Happy New Year, everyone! It’s 2018!
Before Christmas I was talking to my Godmother. She has been through so much in her life, it’s almost unbelievable, and yet remains the happiest, most positive person I know. She always asks how I am and I am sure that through the last couple of years she has heard the positivity, or even happiness, dwindle in my voice. I was quite honest two years ago when my father passed away. I had already lost my faith, not my faith in God, but faith that life was fair or good. When you see children suffer, or watch your own child struggle with issues that were no fault of his own, it’s unbearable. When you watch your father die from a painful, ugly death and leave that child without his best friend, you can become angry at God. It was too much for me to bear. The pastor that helped my family assured me that it was ok for me to give God the silent treatment for a time. But my Godmother gave me a speaking-to at Christmas, “It’s time to get your faith back.”
She mentioned a book that had recently had an impact on her and she had already passed it on to several friends, When God Winks at You. I have been so angry at life that I haven’t had my eyes open to the “God Winks.” My Godmother told me a story that happened recently. She wanted to visit a Monet exhibit at a museum in downtown Detroit. She is older, she hasn’t been getting out too much due to illness, and certainly not to downtown Detroit from her nice suburb. She got lost. So she pulled into a gas station, looked at a map (no phone gps here), and ended up asking the woman at the next pump for assistance. The woman ended up being so friendly, giving directions and then finally offering to drive to the museum in front of her, ensuring my Godmother would arrive there safely. My Godmother was so touched she asked her name. The woman replied, “I’m Faith.”
That very same evening that I had been on the phone with my Godmother, I went to a holiday party at my ex-husband’s house. That in itself is a pretty big deal and really positive! We have come a long way since our ugly divorce ten years ago and I was really quite happy he invited me, all the while feeling maybe slightly uncomfortable. “Oh, so you’re the ex-wife.” “Um yeah.” Gulp. I am friendly with most of the people while they may not necessarily be any of my friends. I had a lovely time, but I was trying to avoid conversation with one woman. I wasn’t trying to avoid her because I don’t like her, just because I always felt it impossible to get out of a long drawn out conversation with her about most of which I completely disagree, from diets to treatments for kids with autism. I find it very difficult to nod and smile too much to that which I strongly disagree. So I avoid it.
Anyway, after an enjoyable evening, she finds me! Agh! We exchange “How are you?’s,” and then she starts a long drawn-out story about her husband being in prison, a very confusing story of FBI agents raiding their house, losing everything they own, tracking down the nasty people who have framed them, all the while her teenage daughter is actually a singing phenom, something I have never ever witnessed. I was shocked at all of it, and really drawn into this conversation, including music clips she’s playing me in the middle of True Crime-like stories! Then she suddenly mentions her ashram! Wait… what?! Ok, I’ve always wanted to go to an ashram! I’ve actually felt incredibly drawn to just moving to an ashram at several times over the last ten years. Now more stories of her guru, her bigger than life experiences and her ashram! Wow! Ok, so maybe I really am interested in her now, as unusual as all of this is. I felt it was a sign.
This woman continued to talk about how her guru helped her recently. She had been so upset and angry about her husband being arrested, the people who framed him, losing her home, her talented daughter going through so much that her chances for living her life dream are waning, all of which I really understood and felt for… she was so angry with life that she kept seeing the numbers “666,” in license plates, phone numbers, street signs, etc., everywhere she looked, proving to her that the devil truly had a presence in her life. Her guru sat her down and explained that she was so busy believing that, that it was making itself known to her, thus creating proof in her mind, that evil was there. That’s a horrible cycle. The guru suggested that she find a few numbers that represented to her love and light. This woman took that advice, and sure enough, she started seeing those numbers everywhere. She found that when she shifted her focus to the love and light, that is what she found. You find what you are looking for!
This thought process completely resonated with me! Despite taking relatively positive actions, trying to create good around me, and living with positive intention, I have been so busy being angry at circumstances, just like this woman, that I was subconciously looking for proof to make reason for my anger, all while pretending to myself that I wasn’t really in a negative state. I really needed to shift my focus, now! This conversation in itself, only hours after my conversation with my Godmother about “Faith,” was my first God Wink! I knew this for sure!
I did need to think about this more for a week or so. But the very next day, I ordered the book, When God Winks at You, and called my Godmother to thank her for the enlightening conversation.
Over Christmas, and then over a trip for New Year’s, I slowly started to contemplate what will be my new thought process. I dislike the idea of New Years Resolutions, but the timing couldn’t be helped. What better time to start a new outlook on life, a new year? With my new books on my trip, a bit of a change in scenery to kick start it, I started 2018 with my intention to Positive Self. 2018: My Year of Living Positively.